HAPPY NEW YEAR!

So, the year's off to a slow start, but as of this week, things are picking up! I got through christmas & birthdays, thanks to a LOT of help from the kids' great grandfather. If it weren't for the checks he sent me, I don't know how I'd have done it. That 94 yr old man is my lifeline, and I love him to death.

Welcome to 2010! We've been having some trouble with behavior, and with money, and with life in general in our crazy family. Dad's still not allowed with the kiddos, and I think they're feeling it. I'm considering sending my oldest to a therapist so that he can figure out what it is that's bothering him.

And in more recent news:

I got a job! I don't actually start until March 1st, but that's perfect, because I'm going on VACATION!

Holy mackerel, I haven't been on an actual vacation in absolutely FOREVER, and we're going to Vegas! It's all come up in the last week and a half, and the flight & hotel is booked, and I'm so excited. Thank god for a hefty tax return! :-D

We've got a party of 7, all flying out on the 22nd of February, and Rick & I are coming back on that Thursday, since Friday is Rick's birthday and I'm sure he doesn't want to spend half of it on a plane, and I have to be in court on Friday for Child Support anyway. We're all so excited to go, and having an actual vacation for the first time since before the kids were born is the best part for me.

Amy & I talk about planning a trip to Vegas every year, but it never pans out. This trip came up so suddenly, and we're actually going. I'm terribly impatient now. Just over 2 weeks left, and I'm ready to go tomorrow. ha-ha.

Hopefully I'll come back with some nice winnings. Who knows?? Wish me luck!

Worry is my middle name...

I'm smart. I'm capable. I'm pro-active. So why can't I find a damn job!? Christmas is less than 2 weeks away, and I'm screwed! No gifts yet, and no money with which to buy said gifts! I don't know what I'm going to do! I wish at the very least that their dad would help out with SOMETHING. But he won't. He doesn't have a job either. And I don't even know when was the last time he had one. Not to mention, he's not even allowed to see the boys without supervision.

I can pay rent... and the cable bill... and the phone bill. And that's all.

How do things like this happen to me??? I feel at such a loss, I just want to be able to give my boys a nice holiday. Is that so much to ask? If I wasn't receiving food stamps... well, I don't think I know how we'd eat. I feel like the world is spiraling out of control and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

The worst of it is, that Charlie's and Johnathon's birthdays are right on top of Christmas. If I fail, I fail in a BIG way. I don't know what to do.... Wish me luck.